The Gap. Not the clothes place.
I've been thinking a lot lately about where my life is headed. I'm a goal-setter, and although I don't usually set timelines for myself I do have a vision for the future. When things happen that interfere with that vision I stress out first, then I start questioning my vision, and then I start questioning my ability. I try to be flexible and accept whatever it is that has thrown me off course because I know sometimes the coolest blessings are the ones we don't plan for, but it still makes me want to curl up in a ball and forget goals, visions, and hopes altogether. If only I could be ten again and curl up with my Cabbage Patch dolls and my Nerf football and watch Three's Company while sucking the chocolate off of a peanut butter Twix, all would be well. Those were some good days.
I've realized that the discontentment I feel....okay, discontentment is the wrong word. I'm always content because contentment runs deep and it's hard for circumstances to come along and ruin that. How about, I've realized the frustration that I feel is directly related to the size of the gap between the person that I want to become and the person that I am. I know the qualities that I like about myself, I know my capabilities, and I know what things I am passionate about, and I want all of those things to come together in the form of opportunities. I know I need to have more patience. Small opportunities do come up, they're just not big enough to satisfy me. And perhaps the time is just not right and I'm in training now. So much for an analytical gal to analyze. Anyway, the person that I am and the person I want to become are two different things and the size of the gap has a direct effect on my state of mind. I always feel rooted in contentment; just hopelessly driven I guess.
Enough deep thoughts for now. I just found the new XM radio channels on our satellite and the 90's channel rules! It's playing Dog's Eye View, Everything Falls Apart. All I remember about this video is that the lead singer smiled through the whole thing. That's rare and I love it.
posted by Jen Austin @ 11:52 AM
2 Comments:
I know what you me about the gap. I go thru the same thing, but I just keep looking up knowing that my direction in life comes from above. I just wish me and God were on the same time table! Keep your head up and hang in there!
Sometimes, I get MY vision confused with GOD'S vision. It's good to have goals and to sometimes feel impatient about reaching them. I can relate. It has helped me to ask the question why. Why am I discontent? If this is God's vision and not my own, then He will get me there in His timing. You say "small opportunities do come up, they're just not big enough to satisfy me". When I feel this way, I try and turn my focus to what satisfies God instead of me. Not saying it's easy, because it's dang hard. But, who really should I be trying to please...and when I don't feel patient, who should I go to?
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